me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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