My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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