i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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