Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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