Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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