I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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