Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
