I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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