dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
