If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
