I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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