I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
