Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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