Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
