Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
