Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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