WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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