Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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