I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
