I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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