It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
