And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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