Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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