what day is it and did you see me today?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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