like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
