Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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