She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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