Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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