What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
