he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Pants are for mortals
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
