We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Randomize
