I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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