you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
