hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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