Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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