She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
