we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
