I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
