I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
