Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
