is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
