i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
