im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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