i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Let's get the cat blown out
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
