How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
