My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
