can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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