I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
