My nipple is on Facebook.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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