I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize