I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize