I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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