Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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