While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
