I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
