omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
