what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
