I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i wish my penis had a tongue
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
