I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
His nipple licking is glorious
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