U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
When are your genitals available?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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