wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
