Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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