Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
is wine microwaveable?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just want to make out with him forever
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
