i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
