Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
