We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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