Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
