she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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