You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I have aggressive nipples.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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