i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
