just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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