I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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