Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
