just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
