If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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