I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
