Betty ford says i'm here all night
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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