i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
