Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm getting married
To pizza
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
