It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
