Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Randomize
