Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
