I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
