why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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