Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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