we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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