This is not my ceiling
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
