This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
