I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize