Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
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