All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
