I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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