I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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