Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize