Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
