I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
