She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
