I feel great
I just peed on a car
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
