kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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