He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
