I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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