fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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