If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
