I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
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