it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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