How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I've blown a few things in my day
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
