I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
i think my cat just said my name.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
