please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
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