Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
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