Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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