The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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