If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
