In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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